Dear Fonni...

I want to write you a letter to say I am sorry if I said anything offensive of your town , your people, non of you did me wrong, unfortuantely I have to write this letter because I need to tell you guys that I dont remember the things I said, and If I said something that I meant in a different way , but you interpreted it different. Fonni, I thank you honestly from the bottom of my heart! You guys taught me so many things, you guys changed my life! You are all good people , you guys have great hearts, great families, you guys saved me from my depression! I suffered something as a human, and you guys saved me! If I said something bad about your town I am sorry, I might have been mad, and when you are depressed you are definitely blind, everything makes you mad, everything is ugly, there is no color, no laughter, no happiness. . . . I suffered internally with things , and my suffrage I am sorry , but I portrayed to you guys. I didnt change families or leave Fonni, because I hated it there, but I did it for my own good. Unfortunately I did something horrible, but it something that I had to do to me, to rescue myself, all the people I harmed , I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, I understand if you cant forgive me I did you wrong, and the bruise I left could take years to heal. Host family, I would like to thank you for everything you did for me, all the good things, all the things you gave me, all the things I learned from you! I honestly appreciate all the things that you did for me. People my host family isnt cattiva, they are amazing people, with great hearts! I am very fortunate to have met you guys, and you guys will forevermore be in my heart, in my prayers. This blog is to show the world the things I suffered, but host family you didnt make me suffer, It was a battle within myself, I wrote the horrible thing that i did, because it changed my life forever more.... I want to look back at this blog 10 years from now, and to see how I was now, how much I learned, how i felt in that very moment in my life. I want future afs students to read this blog, to feel that they are not alone, because I know when I read a blog of peoples sufferings and their accomplishments, it makes me feel better and I know that I am not alone! Fonni you will always have a space in my heart, and the people, and the host family! It was a pleasure meeting you fonni :)

Obama UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! la mia terra per sempre :)chi si Amo!

Dear Obama,

Hows it going, you inspire, one of the greatest speakers perhaps thus of all time, you ARE REVOLUTIONARY! The world loves you Obama, Italians in particular, Sardinians, there hasnt been one person that i have met that doesnt like you.. People do say cruel things about our country, we do the same, but everyone is fascinated by THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, i say it with pride, and will always hold that flag and our country dear to my heart its our land! I learned these from the sardignians you can visibly see through their smiles, faces, love, that they love there country , village, with a passion that i have never seen before, I learned this amazing thing from these amazing people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a proud to be American, oh how we are so grateful , I wish all the Americans could see this , and be prideful of OUR country! You are criticized, we voted you in and expect you to resolve everything, to be SUPERMAN! But its wrong, its wrong, you are trying your best, making mistakes, we forgot that you as well as us you are one of us. But I hope you stay on your fit, ask God for advice to help you out, i dont know how fame is and the things it does, but we see how it kills celebs makes them go mad, i hope it doesnt get to you. Congratulations on winning the noble peace prize , you deserved there were signs saying you were rewarded it now earn it, what a disgrace, people , me, you nothing is ever enough. You are black, you showed the world that our young country, may have made thousand and continuous mistakes to come, but you showed the world, that we all surely but slowly moving along, razzism will never, unfortunately be cured, not even hate, us humans created this beast, but you did something. You lived in the streets, worked your way up, you deserve the position as our president, you deserve the noble peace prize, . Its funny people continue to hate us, but when there is a natural disaster ex. katrina, laquila, italy, haiti and more Americans are always there to serve, to give a helping hand. Sorry to bug you for the countless times that you will receive this question War in Iraq, the hatred that they have on us in the middle east, iran, afghanistan, God poor people, poor soldiers our soldiers, other soldiers from other countries who are serving, the families of these soldiers, the citizens in the middle east, never never has americans faced a fear like that, the children the adults, sleeping, eating, praying, loving, iin COMPLETE FEAR of dying every. single . day. you didnt creat this war i know , but could you stop it if possible, a question that is unanswerable, a question that we dont even know if the end of it will. end. People are who they are because they were taught like that, their mentality, ancestors, land, people, grandparents, parents, taught them to be that way. do you remember when you were a kid, what was the religion in your house? dont you still practice it? we are influenced by the people arounds us parents, family, culture , mentality... I am not sure how it is in the middle east never been, but its not their fault that they hate us, they were taught to hate, because yes we made mistakes and things towards their land, thinking there was guns that they wanted to shoot at us, but maybe just maybe we just wanted to look for oil, and be greedy, we are human, we make mistakes. they hate us , but we cant hate them back. poor people, women by the looks of it, are treated like slaves, covered no freedom, fear, they are dying, children , men, humans, just like us, are dying, oh how much they suffer, they suffer so much, God how fortunate we are......... Like Socrates said people dont do bad because they want to but because of ignorance. maybe socrates is right. we need to learn how to re love, and re love. 9\ 11 it brought us together, our land, our hearts were struck with hatred, we need to forgive them. we need to leave them in peace, we need to love them, unfortunately all of us in the world , we will never. live. in . peace, as long as this earth will stand, as long as us humans will be here, there will be rape, sexual assaults, war hatred, killings, attacks, fear of endless things.... but through the ugliness we must look at the other side the beauty, love , laughter, childbirth, family, pride, smiles of children suffering disease, adults suffering with a smile, giving people, caring people, there is beauty in ugly. maybe for beauty to exist it needs the ugly things. Thanks obama for being simply obama! Your name is shouted, try to take a nap, be stress free, not possible, but we are watching you get old my friend. You are by far one of the most courages man that i have ever know of... take the position of presidency, be rapped in politics, an ugly greedy thing, but you are still still standing, by the grace, and love of God. Ciao Obama, thanks for your time.

a letter of how much now that i love my country, my family, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA MY HOME , SWEET HOME!

Bob Sinclar ft. Steve Edwards World Hold on

I am scared, we are all so scared of being fragile, displaying this to the world , displaying my emotions my inner being, a thing i would have never imagined before. I feel alone in my changed being, an amazing change that has made my life ever more better, to discover the world that God created, stronger connection with God with my soul, my body, my thoughts, he is real, non believers, catholics, christians, muslims, buddhists, every religion he is real, he changed my life in a way not even fathomable, he is real I found him, i always knew he existed something great, grand , bigger than us ignorant un perfect humans, there had to be someone great to have created childbirth, a priceless moment for new parents, the beauty of the world italy, sardegna, arizona california, iran, afghanistan, everywhere beaches, laughter, yes i am humand and fear that when i die and if i dont find him or we dont find who this God is i will be disappointed, but the major part of my being hopes, knows he has to be out there. God please prove me right! I want to write, to at least someone who couldnt express this feeling of being changed, that you are not alone, its okay to show weakness, we are human, and express the drastic change in life!

I am going to doing something Revolutionary today!

I am going to do things that i have never done before, defend myself, express myself, explain myself, and hurt people feeling good about it, you wouldnt understand, the truth hurts, by hurting people i mean verbally telling them the truth, how they hurt me, do something for me, with courage and with God by my side.

but hipocrasy i know, i hate hypocrasy with a burning passion, so do you , i hate how people hurt others, but this a hurt that i must do for me, to better me, i cant explain it not even to myself. i am a hyprocrit, human, liar, sinner, selfish, ask yourself arent we all?

Johnny Cash, Hurt.

You know what scares me. ... the fact that this could just be today, this feeling of a changed person. I feel changed. I feel free. I feel like i honestly have found myself.

God I thank you for letting me suffer painful moments in this experience, God , people have told me numerous times that they dont believe in you because you bring sufferage in the world. Sadly I know someone will criticize this letter, but I would like to make a side note I havent suffered torture, an illness, fear, sexually abused, or anything in this horrible nature I suffered things with in my self, and some things from others, but not ever to this degree, and this is my blog to write what i feel, believe, learned, my sufferings, its mine so please. Comunque, I was saying, there is suffrage for us to learn from ourselves, our culture, the things we should be grateful for, and so many more things, with suffrage I learned, and have became a different person within myself. I asked God everyday when i started to feel lonely, so lonely, why, why do I have to be here in Fonni, a village with a mentality never known, or existed in my world. a closed mentality, cold people, still living the way of their ancestors. A mentality i couldnt describe to , a mentality that has beaten to my lowest points, a mentaliy that has taught me things, a mentality that I will forevermore thank because it changed my life.

I woke up this morning thinking that it really was the end of the world, the clouds, houses , so gloomy, so dead, with a red mist above it, with the smoke coming out of the chimneys. An ugliness that I have never seen before. It was strange I felt fearless a changed person...........

For the past last months my host mom reccounted me of a person that committed suicide, but it is unusally often here. The repeated occurence. a man who worked in the fields with sheep, lonely, had no one, and there was anything to life but to kill himself.

Being completely inspired by Johnnny Cash, hurt, he is singing exactly how I am feeling this point. I love you Johnny Cash :)

They died of solitary. Solitary makes you who you arent, makes you evil, makes you suffer, and to some they take the extremity, and take their life to finish the pain. I want to point out that I never, ever have gotten to that point, I dont have the guts to kill myself , I learned life is way to precious to do that, unfortunately all the people in the world who have committed suicide suffered to the point of extremity that there wasnt feeling, and life wasnt worth living. R.I.P all those who committed suicide , you will always remain in my hearts.

I suffered the tiniest amount of solitary compared to those who went to that point, I have a journal, where I wrote some mean things, always in a mood of i dont give a care, laughing made me mad, i stayed at home, closed up from the world, I became one of them of my village. A closed, sad, person..........

Doing an experience like this you need a hella of a lot of courage. My culture is completely different than the culture here. 3o mins from fonni, an hour away, the culture is drastly different. I never knew that there was a mentality, culture, traditions, costumes, , never even knew the meaning of this words. Making friends is hard. I am a different person than I was 6 months ago.

Little shy Giselle, not at all outgoing, pretty much not knowledgable compared to these kids in Europe, I hated going to school , I would take my seat, sit back, not talk reserved Giselle, today was different. I woke up with a smile smiling to fonni, smiling to the world, smiling to my solitary, smiling to my changed being. Suffrage is beautiful.

I walked out the door with my held up high confidence, and abundance amount of knowledge, accepting the changed me. I wrote in my journal I want to be a changed person , and why havent i changed, being changed is the most fearful thing that i have ever accepted, I feel amazing on top of the world, but life is not easy like that I will suffer maybe in 5 minutes, i will let myself down, someone will hurt me, but at this very moment I have proclaimed that I have changed. The most amazing feeling I have ever felt in my life. I entered schooled today put myself out there, told jokes, talked, yes Giselle Ramirez made the initiative and talked, I told my friends what I learned, how have I changed, my sufferings, and my decision to change my family. Yes it is not set in stone I am waiting to talk to my advisor, but I am definitely going through with this. before I despised my classmates, figured that they didnt like me, but these sardinian people are by far the nicest group of people i have ever met. all lending a hand, wanting to make a day so that we could all be together, wanting me to not suffer anymore. Never in my life from friends I must say, experienced such warmth, love, it made me feel even more amazing! Its strange to hear me be so happy, but I suffered, but I have changed my mentality on life, I want to be happy, forgive, and continue to live this uncertain human life filled with immaginabile dissappointments, woes, beautiful things, experience, being human is just so damn hard to put it simply., but I am thankful to have been given at least the possibility to live this magnificent thing that we call life... If it werent for the Terralba camp, and 2 amazing volunteers, and all the people that have crossed paths in my life,the people who made me smile, who cared, who gave love, today wouldnt have ever been immaginiable, I never would have became a changed person. I thought I would write more but my mind is empty, write when ifeel inspired. Off to pranzo, one of the best things in Sardegna that i love. . .

baci, abbraci, live for today and not for tomorrow,

Giselle

I LOVE MY LIFE :)

This blog is going to probably be the best blog i have ever written, and confusing, but stick with me!

If it seriously wasnt for this mid year orientation camp I would still be in my depressed stage! but mom and dad dont worry I am steadily walking on my feet with a smile on my face, and carrying with me my AMAZING FRIENDS, AND MEMORIES!

lets start out with all the problems i have, and how i learned. I am grateful for being in my depressed stage i learned so much from it :)

I asked every single night why I am stuck in this hole n the wall place, nothing to do, these people are so closed and dont open up, feeling alone, crying almost every night, writing in my journal, evil cruel things, being ungrateful, trying to make anything possible to change families to go to the mainland, thinking that the only way to enjoy life is partying, being drunk, and everyone morning looking at this town and how ugly it is, hating waking up, hating the cold weather because i am not use to it, hating that there wasnt any fun things to do

But people I am scared for tomorrow! I am scared to reface school , the pullman, the Fonnese people, scared that I will loose my AMAZING HAPPINESS that i have gained from 47 amazing people from around the world my best friends, and counting" my friends in the window!" Gabby you know what I mean. :)

I have never ever had a real friend. They always betrayed me, I never got close to people , and I never let them in. Every since I was a little girl i remember crying on my dads lap saying that I didnt have any friends, i never ever put myself out there, i wasnt that person that you would know the name of......... This experience has showed me the meaning of friendship, and everlasting friendship! God works wonders you know, all I ever wanted was one , just one amazing friend that i could tell everything, have a great time with, just to i dont even know how to describe it, but God gave me 47 and counting amazing friends :) Just like God multiplied the wine, he multiplied my friends :)))))) lAME i KNOW BUT SO TRUE!

So I guess I am going to move to the religious part of my life now :)

So when I was litte I was seriously a HOLY ROLLER! i WAS literally in a relationship with God :) its really weird to think of it now how I was literally born like my nanna, i loved going to church, and I actually got my family going to church... i ASKED MY DAD WHY DONT WE GO TO CHURCH, and we started basically going from there. over the years i lost my holy roller touch, I am not like I was

have to go till next time :)

Wow it's already January 16th!

I really can't believe that 4 months have already gone by! It feels really unreal!

Basically everything is normal , and the winter in Italia is horrible! It is so cold, overcast, and it is constantly raining :( iTS quite depressing at times since I come from ARizona, and now I am grateful for the weather there.

Christmas...

So basically in Italy they put up decorations a Christmas tree and a preseppe, which is a little decoration thing where they put little saints, and things, and the day of Christmas they put the baby Jesus.

Christmas was pretty layed back , and similar to a Christmas back home. All of the family on my host's mom side came over, and we ate sooooo much! Except there isnt the traditional waking up early to open presents thing. So I was really convinced that I could go through the day with a single tear, but I cried. It was just hard to realize that I was away from my family on Christmas day, but then I riposed myself!

New Year's I went out to see a movie with some friends and my zia, and saw some fireworks.

January 6th is the Befana in Italia. The befana is a witch that comes to give the little children candy. My crazy host mom dressed up as the Befana and went around my town giving candy to the little kids.

Today is the day of Saint Antonio, wait I dont remember the saints name, but they make big fires here and the celebrate the incoming of CARNEVALE! I really dont even know the main reason for Carnevale, but its like a week or two basically of partying and having fun, not even the italians know why they do it! But it sounds great.

I am picking up the language little by little. I can for the most part get the gist of, what people are saying, and get my point across.

Basically all of the AFS students have hit the bottom of the diagram that we were shown..... the main reason for this is that the weather is horrible, and there isnt the hype for christmas. During these months most of the teenagers stay at home and study , because the weather is horrible!

2months down..

I have hit my homesickness stage like AFS said I would.

It's hard being 9hours away, and thousands of miles away from home, away from everything I know.........and also today is Thanksgiving back home. It is hard not being there for a day of thanks with my family.

Being here makes me realize:
1) That I love my family to pieces. :) clichè = yes truth= 100%
2) That I love my country! :)

Like the italians say, "PAZIENZA." I will get through this, I know I will.

On the other hand....
I am progressing in my Italian, but not satisfied in my abilities, and I feel as if I should know a little more, but time will take care of that.

As of right now I am not fully capable of understanding what the professore is saying, "PACIENZA".

Oh did I tell you that I have become , as they say, ANOTHER FAT STUDENT! yES oh Yes it is CERTAINLY 100% TRUE that student exchangers WILL GAIN WEIGHT! It comes with the experience. "Pazienza". Trying not to worry too much about it, but hey I am girl, and us girls are always worrying about our weight! :p

rANDOM:
I am taking swimming classes in another little town called Lotzorai, and hey it helps to have a cute instructor HAHAH!

My volleyball team won the last game, and I got all kinds of volleyball attire! :)

I laughed the other day because they have the corny American soap operas here and it reminded me of my mother :)

My host mom saw my dad on skype yesterday, and said he was more good looking than her husband, and she called her husband ugly.

I absolutely love hearing Italians argue :).. it's priceless.

More parolacce!
Vai a caggare

Rompe palle
That's all for now..
TO BE CONTINUED!

Baci e abbracci!